


When the Cold Sinks In

by WatercolourPearl



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Family, Feels, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Healing, Implied Bismuth/Pearl but it's pretty lowkey, Implied Ruby/Sapphire (Steven Universe), Mentions of Connie - Freeform, Mentions of Steven - Freeform, POV Multiple, Past Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Pearl Solidarity (Steven Universe), Pearl needs help, Pearl needs her family, Pearl-centric (Steven Universe), Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz was not the best person, Post-Steven Universe Future, it's sad but then it's not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:00:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23607940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WatercolourPearl/pseuds/WatercolourPearl
Summary: Now that Steven's gone and the Crystal Gems are at peace for the first time in millennia, Pearl finds herself struggling to cope. But, with the help of her family, Pearl finally starts to see a future for herself beyond the shadow of Rose Quartz. (A collection of one-shots focusing on Pearl's relationships with the other gems).Or, in traditional terms: five times Pearl cried on the beach, and one time she didn't.
Relationships: Amethyst & Pearl (Steven Universe), Bismuth/Pearl (Steven Universe), Garnet & Pearl (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli & Pearl (Steven Universe), Pearl & Greg Universe, Pearl & Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 84





	1. Breathe Aloud

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rf8mezhsf34) which I think captures the mood of this piece as a whole really well. The chapter titles are also all taken from songs by The Beths, which I'll link in the notes.
> 
> Pearl is my absolute favourite and her story fascinates me. She has a lot of history, and there must be memories in her 8000 of life that haunt her - not least the 1000 years of war she was highly involved in. She's a highly complex character, and I love exploring her emotions, her reactions to things, and the way she views the world. This is basically an excuse for me to explore how she processes trauma and how she interacts with the other Crystal Gems.
> 
> I took some liberties with Pearl's abilities and her history (there's 8000 of life to play with; I mean, really). None of it is major.
> 
> Mostly unedited; feedback welcome if you have it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet helps Pearl with some feelings Pearl doesn't want to be having.
> 
> Chapter title from [Not Running](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONKznSIWZhk)

Under the bright light of the new moon, Garnet sees Pearl sitting alone on the beach. She’s been there every night for weeks, Garnet knows. Maybe even months. She’s not sure when she first noticed the smaller gem huddled out there on her own. It was after Steven left, but Garnet was too caught up in making her own life fit back together to really pay much attention to Pearl. Ruby and Sapphire had taken a holiday of their own for little while, staying in another of those rented houses Greg found online. They’d needed to work out who they were and what they wanted without the constant shadow of war looming over them.

For Garnet, created in a moment of action and fighting ever since, the holiday had brought an incredible sense of release. Ruby and Sapphire had been able to really talk to one another, to learn about their own interests and passions outside what Garnet enjoyed. And Garnet had been able to discover interests for herself, too.

For Pearl, she knows, it won’t be so simple. Pearl isn’t a creature of war, like Garnet. Adjusting to peace should come more naturally. But her whole purpose, the gem for whom she was created and for whom she had lived her entire life, has gone. And there’s Pearl, left alone on the beach.

Garnet sits down quietly on Pearl’s left, watching her. Her knees are drawn up to her chest, forehead resting on them, arms wrapped around herself. She’s trembling. Garnet reaches out a hand, then, seeing herself startle Pearl, gently says her name instead. Pearl startles anyway, reacting as she always does when caught in a moment of what she sees as weakness.

“Oh Garnet I didn’t see you there I’m sorry I was just enjoying the waves anyway good to see you I have to go now!” Pearl lifts herself out of the sand in an awkward, jerky movement. Garnet catches her hand. Softly, softly. 

“Pearl,” she says again. Pearl looks at her finally, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. “Pearl, you can talk to me. I won’t judge you.”

“Oh, no, you’ll think it’s silly,” Pearl says, aiming for a dismissive tone. The quiver in her voice gives her away. “It is silly,” she continues. “It’s not like… It’s not like we fought countless battles throughout millennia only for me to wonder if I want… If I miss…” Pearl dips her head in shame, blue colouring her cheeks.

“If you miss being someone’s pearl,” Garnet finishes for her. Pearl doesn’t answer. Garnet tugs her back down and puts an arm around her shoulder. Pearl leans into her, tears running down her cheeks.

“When we went back to Homeworld, part of me hated the way I was instantly back to being just another pearl, another servant to be bossed around. But it was also comforting. I knew what was expected of me, what my role was. It felt easier, I suppose.

“What’s wrong with me, Garnet? I was always so proud of belonging to no-one. I was so proud of being my own gem, my own person, of being the terrifying renegade pearl. And yet, now that I am, once and for all, truly my own, I find myself missing…” She trails off. Garnet stays silent, rubbing Pearl’s back. Pearl fidgets her right hand in the sand.

“I have no-one to take care of anymore.” Pearl laughs bitterly. “No-one to take care of, and no-one to tell me what to do when I’m unsure.

“And my body still thinks I’m fighting, Garnet. The way you startled me earlier – it took all I had not to draw my weapon on you. I can’t shake the feeling that something else is going to rise up and attack me. Or have me shattered for daring to think a pearl could be her own… I thought I’d moved past that, Garnet. I thought, after all these years, I finally felt like my own. But when Rose died… When Steven left…”

“You’ve been serving her all this time, without realising it,” says Garnet quietly as Pearl nestles closer into her. “Keeping her secrets, leaping to do whatever she needs. Taking care of Steven. You thought you were your own, but truthfully, she was always there to give you directions. Directions you took as orders.” She catches Pearl’s fidgety right hand but Pearl pulls it back, dipping her head away. Garnet presses a gentle kiss onto the top of Pearl’s head, much as she’s seen Pearl do with Steven countless times. 

Pearl stifles a sob. “How do I go on from here, Garnet? I don’t know what to do.” 

Garnet knows the feeling. When she found out about Rose’s true identity, she’d felt her own identity slip away from her completely. Ruby and Sapphire had questioned their whole relationship, and with it, her existence. She thinks about what had helped them – finding something they loved for themselves, something that allowed them to forge individual lives alongside her own. Something that they did purely because they wanted to. 

Garnet notices patterns in the sand on Pearl’s right-hand side, intricate shapes with details so fine she doesn’t know how Pearl managed to trace them there. Pearl has been drawing this whole time, designing what Garnet thinks could be an engine system but might equally be an improvement to the washing machine on Obsidian’s hand. She looks at it with her third eye for a second, and sees Pearl welding, hammering, painting, perfecting. She’s still not sure what the object is, but the Pearl in her vision looks… happy? Pearl, happy. That’s not something she remembers seeing often, even back before Greg came into Rose’s life. She nods at the design. 

“Start with that.”

“W-what?”

“The design, Pearl. Whatever it is you’ve drawn. I’ve never seen you happier than when you’re making something new. Let yourself do the things you love. Not because someone let you do them, but because you simply want to.”

“But what do I make?”

“Whatever you want to.”

Pearl’s eyes widen as if she’s never realised she can create things she wants to create, for no other reason than that she wants to. Certainly, Garnet has never seen Pearl use her skills as an engineer without first being asked by someone else. 

The smaller gem looks down at the blueprint next to her hand. Obscuring it with sand in one fluid movement, she leaps back up to her feet and pulls Garnet up next to her. Wrapping her arms around Garnet and squeezing tightly, Pearl conveys a sense of determination that is so very characteristic of the renegade gem Garnet knows so well. 

“I know exactly what I want to make.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get too excited about the thing she's building! It's more sweet than anything else.


	2. Blood and Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis understands more than anyone how hard it is to break through the memories.
> 
> Chapter title from [Whatever](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtqX7rWtR8A)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content note: this chapter describes a panic attack/PTSD flashbacks. If you still want the Lapis/Pearl bonding without the more graphic descriptions of trauma you can skip to where the dialogue starts.
> 
> Because this work is a series of one-shots, you don't need to read this chapter in order to understand the rest.

Pearl’s on the beach again. Lapis has seen her here, on and off, when she herself has been seeking solitude. She’s mentioned it to Garnet before. Garnet says that Pearl might need time to process things and that she’s finally mourning as she always should have and that it’s a good thing. 

Lapis isn’t so sure. 

She shudders, feeling it again. That sense of dread, the fear she knows so well. Her hands clench and she can see Pearl doing the same, fists pulled in tight to her body as if ready to defend herself. She hasn’t realised until now that the terror is radiating from Pearl, projecting from her gem in the same way Pearl projects holograms. She didn’t realise pearls could project more than just things.

Lapis can feel her muscles tensing. As she watches, Pearl starts to shake, trembling hard enough to disrupt the sand around her. Lapis knows Pearl has a small amount of control over the sand, but Pearl’s psammokinesis is much stronger than she’d realised. Grains of sand jump across the other gem’s body, dancing wildly around her. 

Lapis’ body fills with a deathly anticipation. She forces her legs to move back, and then back again, until she is far enough away that the terror reduces back to fear and then to anxiety. The sight of Pearl, who has always seemed so strong and determined, reduced to this… It’s enough to tear Lapis’ heart in two. Pearl is projecting the same feeling that Lapis has struggled against for years now. She wants to go to the taller gem, but the microstorm flying around Pearl is overwhelming.

And then Pearl’s memories start to come hard and fast, projected out around her. 

Lapis sees Pearl as Rose, stabbing Pink Diamond, feels the warmth suck from the air as Pink poofs. Sees quartz fusion after quartz fusion strike Pearl, beat her down, cracking her gem again and again. The horror of Pearl’s body coming in and out of existence, of her limbs malfunctioning, the normally poised and balanced gem losing control over her very being. 

She sees a thousand years of war playing faster and faster. Pearl holding Garnet close, shaking her head no, Garnet pulling away to a battle where both Ruby and Sapphire are both broken, almost shattered. Pearl charging into fight after fight, falling again and again and again and getting up every time to take another hit. A bigger gem, someone Lapis doesn’t recognise, kissing Pearl tenderly before being shattered at the hands of a jasper. Pearl piloting a ship, a fleet around her falling one by one, her own ship hit. Pearl regenerating only to see her crew shattered around her, and her own gem cracked again. Pearl crying in Rose’s arms, Rose clutching shards of gems Lapis can only assume were friends. 

And Pearl herself shattering Homeworld gem after Homeworld gem, never hesitating to take the killing blow, despite the disappointment in the eyes of the Rose Quartz projection every time. 

Lapis sees the same story play over and over. Shards of those who Pearl once held dear lie scattered around her, feet pressing them further into the earth as she’s forced to retreat under the brutal persistence of a stronger gem. A faint muddiness permeates the air, the tang of iron, the screams of pain and anger, the constant clashing of swords being made and destroyed. Pearl’s projections increasing in intensity as they build up to that singular defining moment, a blinding light bursting from the sky, Rose holding Pearl and Garnet tight behind her shield while everyone they ever held dear is left vulnerable to that awful, unforgivable attack. 

Lapis realises Pearl is keening, covering her ears with her tightly clenched fists. She’s rocking back and forth, the projections starting to drop around her, the sand falling back to the beach. Pearl’s shoulders are moving in a way that’s uncharacteristic of a gem. 

She’s breathing. 

Lapis counts along with Pearl’s movements, and realises Pearl’s using the same technique Steven told her about, focusing on the sensation of air entering her body and leaving again, the surety of the action. 

Gradually Pearl’s body stop shaking. She pulls her knees up to her chest, wraps her arms around herself. Tears fall onto her legs, insistent, fat drops. 

Lapis moves slowly to the other gem. Her feet scuff the sand and she coughs as she gets near, to avoid frightening Pearl in her shell-shocked state. She lowers herself to the ground. Pearl doesn’t look at her. Lapis reaches out and covers Pearl’s hand with her own.

“Hey.”

Pearl sniffs. “How much did you see?”

“Pretty much all of it. I didn’t know you could project feelings and smells like that.”

Pearl laughs shakily. “To be honest, I didn’t know I could either.”

Lapis looks sideways at Pearl. She’s not fully back in the moment yet, Lapis knows. It always takes her a while to feel real again when that happens to her. 

“It’s okay, Pearl,” she says. “It’s normal, I think.”

“Is it?” Pearl cries. “They’re getting worse! I never… I could always forget about it, before. Push it away. The war ended well over five thousand years ago, for crying out loud! I should be over it!”

Lapis feels a rush of compassion for her new friend. She turns Pearl’s hand over, traces the delicate palm. There are callouses, somehow – a deliberate choice? A reminder of how hard she’s fought over the millennia leading up to this moment?

“The memories are like these, I think,” she says softly. “They never really go away. They just hurt less as time goes by, and eventually you live with them. And you forgive yourself.”

“But they don’t hurt any less.”

“Have you ever actually let them hurt before? Have you ever talked about it? With Garnet, and Bismuth, and Crazy Lace, and Snowflake, and all your other friends? With people who were there, who can understand?” 

Pearl dips her head and pulls her hand away. “There’s always been too much else to do.”

Lapis thinks about what finally allowed her to start healing. “You’ve never actually felt safe enough to let the memories in, huh.” 

Pearl shakes her head ever so slightly. “Homeworld was always still a threat. And the corrupted gems. And then I was so worried about Steven… In all this time, I guess I’ve never really been at peace.”

“It’s okay, Pearl. I understand. I really do. But you’re allowed to talk about it. You’re allowed to find it difficult. You don’t have to keep proving yourself.”

Pearl traces circles in the sand with her foot, refusing to look at Lapis. “Did that work for you?” She asks eventually. “Are you better? Is it… gone? For you?”

Lapis shakes her head, a wry smile forming at the edge of her lips. “I don’t know if it will ever be gone. I don’t know if I’ll ever be entirely comfortable in the ocean again. I don’t know if I’ll ever try fusion again, or even stop feeling a moment of fear when I watch it happen. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay with small spaces. I won’t ever shake the knowledge of what I did. But I feel calm on the beach again, the way I used to. And I feel like I have a home. And sometimes I go whole days now without feeling that crushing sensation taking over. So, yeah. I think I am doing better.”

Pearl looks at her, uncertain. “I’m really, really sorry for what happened to you, Lapis. For what we did. Leaving you in there – it was indefensible, and unforgiveable.”

Lapis touches Pearl’s hand again. “I’ve forgiven you for that, Pearl. But you need to forgive yourself, too.”

Pearl takes a deep breath. “Lapis? I know you just watched it all in graphic detail. I’m sorry, for that. But I can think of no-one who’d understand more than you do. Do you think… Could I start by telling you about it?”

Lapis smiles. “Of course, Pearl. I’d be honoured to listen.”


	3. So the Moon Moves Out in Front

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl realises things. Bismuth provides some TLC.
> 
> Chapter title from [Little Death](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UuzlZWvTU2I)

Waves pummel the beach with all the power of the storm that created them. A particularly strong one covers Pearl completely and Bismuth starts to rush forward, but when the water pulls back, she sees Pearl hasn’t moved even an inch. She forgets sometimes, how strong the supposedly frail gem really is. 

Pearl must hear her moving, because she turns her head a little to watch Bismuth over her shoulder. The blacksmith blushes. Pearl’s gaze is piercing. Bismuth always has the uncanny feeling that Pearl can sense exactly what she’s thinking at any given moment. 

Pearl pats the sand next to her and Bismuth sits, wrapping an arm gently around Pearl’s waist. The smaller gem lets out a little sigh and presses closer into Bismuth’s side.

“I always feel so safe with you,” she murmurs. Another wave crashes around them, burying them in water briefly before it withdraws. Bismuth feels a heavy sorrow settle around her gem.

“Do you not feel safe most of the time, Pearl?” she asks.

Pearl looks down at her feet, and then out at the shifting ocean. “I don’t know what I feel,” she admits. “Everything is so confusing right now.”

Bismuth knows the feeling. “We don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to,” she reassures Pearl, although truthfully there’s a lot she’d like to talk to Pearl about. 

Pearl buries her face into Bismuth’s chest, and they sit for a while. Water crashes into them steadily, and each time, Bismuth tightens her arm around her friend, although Pearl doesn’t even flinch at the impacts. The already dark sky loses what little light it had, and still Pearl doesn’t move. That’s okay. Bismuth was in a bubble for over five thousand years – she can sit on a beach for a few hours, if that’s what Pearl needs.

And then Bismuth feels Pearl tense at the crash of thunder. She’s a tad tense herself, actually. It sounds a little too like the crash of quartz fusions clashing blades. Bismuth scoops Pearl up against her chest and carries her up to the house, into the private living area that she’d added on for the gems when Greg moved in. The smaller gem is crying softly into Bismuth’s chest and she feels herself start to tear up. She’s never been able to take it when Pearl cries like this.

Piling cushions and blankets onto the sofa, Bismuth sets Pearl down and looks at her, tracing circles into her back until Pearl’s tears slow.

“I meant what I said. We don’t have to talk about it. But if you want to, we can.” 

Pearl sniffs and nods. “I sort of want a cup of tea first,” she says. “I know I don’t really drink. But the warmth is nice.”

Bismuth smiles. “You got chamomile?”

When they are both seated again, steaming mugs of tea in their hands, Pearl takes a deep, steadying breath. “It’s not that I don’t feel safe generally,” she says. “Or, well, that’s not quite right, because I don’t feel safe very often, but I’ve already talked to Lapis about that and I think I’m going to be okay.” Bismuth tries not to show her shock at Pearl and Lapis getting along, and just nods. “It’s more that… Stars, I feel like such a traitor right now.”

“Pink?”

Pearl nods. “I think – I mean, I loved Rose, you know that. And I knew she was trying to change. I knew there was something Pink was trying to change from. And I knew she cared for me, and wanted the best for me. She made me feel so special. So needed.”

“There’s a _but_ in there.”

“ _But_ ,” Pearl says slowly, “I think that maybe… I never felt she’d protect me the same way I protected her. I mean, as long as I was with her, I was always her Pearl. And I always thought I was so lucky. _My Pearl_. Those two words… Nothing and no-one else could make me feel the way she did.”

Bismuth knows how Pearl has always felt about Rose. Despite the both of them having taken other lovers – Rose’s many relationships with human men, and Pearl’s occasional relationships with other gems during the war – Rose was always Pearl’s great love. It’s nothing new to her. 

Still, she feels a sharp pain in her gem knowing how Pearl was treated by the Diamond she loved. Loves, Bismuth thinks. Pearl still loves her. It’s only been a few years, really, since Rose died. 

“I think it was wrong.” Pearl says this flatly, and Bismuth startles. 

“I’m sorry?”

“I think it was wrong. Our relationship. I would have done anything for her. I would have shattered _myself_ , if she’d asked. That’s not normal. That’s not healthy.” Pearl has a determined look on her face, as if she’s had this conversation a hundred times already. “She asked so much of me, and she – she used the way I felt about her – and although I know she did love me too, it was never the same. It could never have been equal. How could it be? I was her _pearl!_ Her _possession!_ ” Pearl lets go of the mug with one hand and slams her fist onto the table as she says this, a rare display of pure anger. 

“She lied to me, and she used me, and she made me keep her secrets, and after all of that, she left me here, on this planet that was her dream. Hers, not mine. Never mine. Oh, I loved the feeling of freedom. I loved the fighting, and the engineering, and the opportunities I never could have had. But in the end, she asked everything of me, and I gave it, and I got nothing back.” Pearl is yelling, or as close to yelling as Bismuth has ever heard her outside of a battle. She takes a deep, shuddery breath. Tears start falling again into the mug she still holds. 

Bismuth notices Pearl’s hands are shaking. She gently takes the now-lukewarm mug from Pearl and sets it on the table, wrapping both of Pearl’s small hands in one of her big ones. Pearl looks up at Bismuth and gives her a shaky smile. 

“I’m sorry to dump all that on you –”

“You never need to apologise to me for being honest, Pearl.” Bismuth’s voice is gentle, and Pearl seems to relax a little.

“That’s what I mean, Bismuth. When I say I feel safe with you. Because I know you would never, ever ask anything of me that you wouldn’t also do for me.”

Pearl’s eyes are wide with sincerity. Bismuth feels a rush of affection for the other gem.

“I never would, Pearl. I never would break your trust like that.”

Pearl leans in, her eyes softening, and she places a gentle kiss on Bismuth’s cheek. Bismuth feels herself blush. When she meets Pearl’s eyes, they are both trusting and uncertain. 

The last thing Bismuth wants to do is take advantage of Pearl, who is going through so much change. She isn’t sure whether Pearl is trying to tell Bismuth something about her feelings, or whether Pearl is simply relieved that with Bismuth she never has to work to be taken seriously. But what’s clear to Bismuth, and what makes her happy above anything else, is that Pearl is finally starting to see her own worth beyond that given to her by Rose Quartz. 

So Bismuth just pulls Pearl in for another hug, and feels her eyes fill with tears again – this time entirely her own.


	4. A Broken Bulb Flickering With Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst and Pearl understand each other a little better.
> 
> Chapter title from [Great No One](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQYhM48H5zs)

Pearl is sitting on the beach when Amethyst whistles her way down from the house. She’d been planning on shifting herself into two Amethysts connected by some kind of thin rope and bashing a volleyball around a little. But maybe Pearl will play with her. She’s been way more fun lately.

Amethyst sneaks up behind the taller gem – a miracle she didn’t hear Amethyst coming, really – and jabs her in the sides, cackling with laughter when Pearl jumps.

“Amethyst!”

“Sorry, P!” Amethyst tries to catch her breath. “You should’ve seen your f– Oh, P, it’s okay, don’t cry!” Tears are rolling down Pearl’s cheeks, and Amethyst wonders if she’s taken it too far. But she’s pissed Pearl off far more in the past, and Pearl has never cried about it. Amethyst reaches out a hesitant hand and Pearl shakes her head.

“I’m fine, really. Did you want something?”

“Oh, I was just going to – Wait, Pearl, did you not learn _anything_ when Steven got corrupted? Talk to me. What’s wrong?” Amethyst hates seeing Pearl so uncertain of herself. It used to drive Amethyst crazy, how Pearl would turn into such a bitch whenever she felt insecure. But lately there’s been an emptiness in Pearl’s eyes that never quite seems to go away, a distance that Amethyst feels physically between them, keeping her from the gem who’s been like an older sister to her for so many years. She’d almost be thankful for one of Pearl’s lectures right now, if it would mean the blankness in Pearl’s eyes would go away. 

Pearl shakes her head again. “Stars, look at me! I’m just a mess lately. Really, Amethyst, don’t worry about me. What was it you came down here for?”

“Just to hit something, really.” Amethyst shrugs. Pearl’s eyes light up.

“Mind if I join you?” Pearl draws her spear and points it at Amethyst, grinning. Amethyst hadn’t expected this sudden change of face, but she can run with it. Maybe it’ll be good for Pearl. It’ll certainly be good for her. 

“I dunno, P. You sure you can handle it?” Amethyst draws her whip, returning Pearl’s grin, and smacks the ground once or twice.

“Oh, I’m sure. Why don’t you come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough?”

Amethyst whoops, leaping into the air and directing a spin dash to where Pearl is standing. Sand flies everywhere as she crashes into the ground. Pearl must have darted out of the way. Amethyst whirls around, shaking sand from her eyes, only to leap backwards as one of Pearl’s laser beams hit the ground near her feet. She recalibrates her approach, then throws her whip at the spear, tugging Pearl just slightly off-balance. Pearl recovers quickly but Amethyst has already drawn another whip, catching Pearl’s feet. Amethyst laughs, enjoying the upper hand.

Pearl draws a sword – _wait, where the hell did that come from?_ and cuts straight through Amethyst’s whip, freeing herself. Now wielding a sword and a spear, Pearl advances, moving gracefully as she always does. Upper hand gone. _Dammit._ Amethyst glances around, then has a sneaky thought. Dropping her whips, she leaps towards Pearl, transforming mid-air into a snake. Pearl screams.

“ _Party guy!_ Amethyst, that’s not fair!” Pearl’s spear comes hurtling towards Amethyst’s tail just as Amethyst transforms back into herself, wrapping Pearl in her whip. Pearl struggles a second and then gives in, resigning herself to second place. As she should, thinks Amethyst.

Then, suddenly, the sand shifts from underneath Amethyst’s feet and she loses control of her weapon. Pearl lets out a yell in victory.

“Pearl! What! Where did that come from?” Amethyst forgets about their sparring, too excited by Pearl’s psammokinesis. “I’ve only seen you do that a couple of times before and never so much sand at once!”

“I’ve been practising,” says Pearl, almost shyly. “Turns out I’m better at it than I realised.”

“Yes! This is awesome!” Amethyst shifts into Purple Puma and wraps Pearl up in a massive, crushing hug. Pearl laughs lightly and pushes at Amethyst’s arms until she lets the slender gem back down. The spark that so briefly came back to Pearl’s eyes is dimming again. Amethyst can’t bear to see her like this. Desperately, she begs Pearl to open up to her.

“P, seriously.” She clutches Pearl’s arm. “You gotta tell me what’s going on. I mean, you just seem so sad.”

Pearl glances at Amethyst, and Amethyst looks back at Pearl with all of the love and sincerity and concern that she can infuse into a single expression. 

“What’s going on?” Pearl repeats. “I’m not sure I have a good answer for you, to be honest. I was feeling so sure of myself for a little while there. Happy. But these last few months… I don’t know, Amethyst. I’m as insecure as I ever was.”

“Aw, Pearl! You shouldn’t be! You’re a damn fine piece of ass.” Amethyst winks and pulls out the double finger guns, trying to make Pearl laugh. 

“Amethyst! Be serious. I’m trying to be open with you. Like you just asked me to.” Amethyst flinches.

“Sorry, P.” She shrugs. “It’s just hard for me to hear you say that. You’re my rock, you know?”

Pearl smiles wryly. “Me? Surely not. I’ve never been strong like you and Garnet. I fall apart over the slightest thing. I can’t even go a single day without crying. That’s why I came down here in the first place.”

“Are you kidding me? Pearl, you’re insanely strong! I mean, look at you. Look at what you’ve achieved. I’ve always wished I was more like you.”

Pearl looks at Amethyst. “I thought you always knew who you were. Who you wanted to be. I know you’ve struggled sometimes, with where you came from. But you’ve always seemed so certain of yourself.”

“God, P, we really haven’t talked enough lately. I have no clue who I want to be!” Amethyst throws her arms in the air, falling back onto the sand. “Come on, universe!” she yells at the sky. “Who the hell am I?” She tucks her arms back behind her head, gazing up at the early moon. 

“Honestly, though, what a giant, cosmic joke we’ve had played on us, hey Pearl?” Amethyst grins, then lets out a string of the best expletives she knows, as loud as she can. 

“Amethyst!” But Pearl doesn’t look scandalised so much as she looks delighted. “Where did you get those from?”

“Vidalia, mostly.”

“Mind if I try?”

“Oh, hell yes!” Amethyst can’t contain her delight as Pearl releases her frustration at the universe. She’s never heard most of the insults that tumble from Pearl’s mouth and she supposes most of them are Homeworld curses or older human ones from the millennia that Pearl’s lived on Earth. But she recognises enough swear words to know that Pearl is yelling some of the rudest things Amethyst has ever heard in her life. And she thought she’d heard it all.

When Pearl finally falls silent, Amethyst is propped up on one elbow staring at her, mouth agape.

“That. Was. Incredible!” Amethyst squeals, all but tackling Pearl back down onto the sand.

Pearl smirks. “Don’t act so surprised. I’ve told you before that I can be cool.”

They sit contentedly in silence for a while, watching the gentle pearl-blue daylight fade out. 

“Hey – Pearl?” Amethyst says finally as the last of the colour is draining from the world.

“Yes, Amethyst?”

“We should do this more often.”

Pearl smiles. She reaches out and twines her fingers in between Amethyst’s, letting out a gentle sigh. “I would like that. Very much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written Amethyst and Pearl's relationship as sisterly because it reminds me so much of my relationship with my sister. Others will have different interpretations & that's cool.
> 
> Bonus points to anyone who caught the Tanith Low reference.


	5. Always Look Backwards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot is somewhat starstruck by Pearl. Both gems miss Steven terribly. Pearl does a bit of comforting too this time.
> 
> Chapter title from [Dying to Believe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkzI93Aqztk)

Peridot doesn’t notice Pearl sitting on the beach until she almost trips over her. 

“Oh! Pearl! I was just, uh –” Peridot panics. How can she explain that she needed somewhere private to test out the alien costume she made by tearing out the stuffing from her Funland toy? Or more importantly, how does she make sure Pearl doesn’t know that’s what she’s doing?

Luckily Pearl seems not to care. She waves Peridot off with a disinterested hand.

“That’s okay, Peridot.” Her voice is distant. Peridot thinks of Lapis.

“Pearl, are you okay?” She’s not sure if she should ask but she doesn’t think it would be right to not ask, either. 

Pearl still seems vague. “Fine, Peridot. It’s fine.”

“That’s not what I asked. I asked if you were okay.”

Pearl looks directly at Peridot. Her eyes are exhausted. Why does she seem so… _absent?_ Peridot had thought Pearl was finally happy. She’s seemed happy, anyway.

“I’m fine, Peridot. Go try on that costume.” _Dammit._ How on earth (literally) had Pearl managed to guess that?

Peridot’s expression must make her thoughts very clear because Pearl smirks. “Peridot, you walked onto the beach chanting ‘alien costume, alien costume’. It wasn’t hard to guess what you’re up to.” 

“O-oh, well I don’t know why I would have said that! That’s definitely not what’s going on here! I definitely don’t want to go to a human costume party with Lapis this weekend!”

Pearl sighs and seems to pull herself up. “She doesn’t want to go, huh?”

Stars, she’s a bad liar. Peridot shakes her head. She’s tried to convince Lapis that it’ll be fun but the blue gem is highly resistant. Peridot sticks her nose in the air and puts on a smooth voice, trying to imitate her.

“You dress up every day, Peri. Why would we want to go to a stupid human thing without Steven?”

To Peridot’s surprise, Pearl laughs. And then starts crying. Oops. Peridot had forgotten about the whole Pearl-seems-upset thing. 

“Really, Pearl, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, Peridot, I just miss him so much.” Pearl starts crying harder. Peridot starts to feel tears pricking the corners of her eyes in solidarity. Before she knows it they’re both sobbing, clutching each other as they let out all the worry and loneliness that has built up since Steven left.

Eventually their tears start to dry up and Pearl pulls away from Peridot. Peridot feels warmth rush to her cheeks and she knows her usual lime green complexion must have lit up emerald.

“I’m – I’m sorry,” Peridot stutters, just as Pearl says, “oh, stars. I’m sorry Peridot.” And then, “no, it’s okay,” Peridot replies at the exact moment Pearl says quietly, “it’s okay, really.”

Pearl bites her lip, colour rising to her cheeks in imitation of Peridot’s darkening blush. Then she bursts out laughing. “I’ve cried on so many different shoulders recently and here I am worried about a slightly awkward exchange with a friend. Stars, but my emotions are unreasonable at the moment!”

A friend? Pearl considered her a friend? Peridot had thought Pearl saw her as an unnecessary burden and an ignorant clod. She looks over at the taller gem, who looks puzzled. 

Oh, no. She’s done it again. She’s said something out loud without realising it. She really doesn’t know how this continues to be such an issue for her. What has she said aloud? She didn’t say the ignorant clod part, did she? Oh, stars.

Pearl tilts her head. “Mind telling me what _that_ was about?” At Peridot’s blank stare, she explains, “the whoop? The cry of joy?” 

“Oh! Nothing Pearl! Certainly not a response to you calling me – to you saying I was – that you considered me to be – that we were – friends…” Peridot feels herself blush again. When will she stop embarrassing herself in front of the gems she finds the most fascinating?

“Peridot, you thought we weren’t friends?” Pearl looks disappointed. 

“Well – no, I just – I mean, yes – I mean, I thought you didn’t like me.” The last part comes out all in a rush. Peridot looks at her feet. What is it about Pearl that sucks out so many _feelings_ from her?

“Well, to be fair, Peridot, I didn’t like you when I first met you. You tried to treat me like a –” Pearl’s voice catches. _A pearl._ Peridot doesn’t say it.

“Anyway, you’re much nicer now. You’re funny. You still have some learning to do –” Peridot scowls, wondering when Pearl will learn to give a compliment without running it back “– but I like you.” 

Surprising herself, Peridot hugs Pearl again, letting go quickly before more tears threaten to spill out. She may have lost a friend recently, but she’s also gained one. That’s a nice thought.

“Oh, Peridot. We haven’t lost Steven. I know he said he might never come back, but I’ve known that boy his whole life. He’ll be back.” Peridot realises she’s said that out loud _again._ How does she keep doing that? It almost feels like some cosmic entity forcing her to spill her thoughts just to drive the conversation.

“That’s absurd, Peridot. There is no greater cosmic entity.”

“Can we go back to the serious conversation?” Peridot begs. “The one when you assure me that Steven still loves me and misses me?”

Pearl smiles. It’s almost motherly, Peridot thinks. Reassuring. “Steven still loves us, Peridot. Don’t you image dial him every week?”

“Video call.”

“Yes, that’s what I said.”

Peridot sighs but lets it pass. “Yeah, every Saturday. I just – I worry he does it because he thinks he has to, and not because he actually misses us.”

“Peridot, he cried when you wore his t-shirt on last month’s group dial. I don’t think he’s doing it out of obligation. And all the photos he sends? Those aren’t out of obligation, either.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“I miss him too, Peridot. Weren’t we both crying on each other’s shoulders about it just a minute ago?”

“By my calculations it was more like three minutes, but yes, I suppose.”

“I think it’s okay,” says Pearl, with a tone of surprise, as if she hasn’t realised this until now. “I think it’s okay to miss him. And to be sad.” Then she grins, snatching the alien costume from where it lies abandoned and stuffing Peridot into it upside down. “We just have to make sure we have some fun, too!”

Peridot should be mad, but she can’t stop laughing. Pearl is giggling, slightly muffled by the costume fabric. Peridot struggles against the material, eventually managing to stand up. The sensation of the alien’s legs flopping around on her head only makes her laugh harder. She chases Pearl down the beach, following the peals of laughter, until she catches the taller gem and trips over her and they both go down again in a pile, cackling uncontrollably. 

This is nice, she thinks. Having friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had some trouble with this one, as Peridot and Pearl interact so rarely in the series. Ah, well. When in doubt, make fun of your own plot devices. 
> 
> Hopefully I've done their relationship justice.


	6. Lying in the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg and the Crystal Gems take some time for a barbecue. Pearl reflects on how nice it is to have a family.
> 
> Chapter title from (gasp) [Lying in the Sun](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Pz8qzMj-Bw)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved exploring Greg and Pearl's relationship a little! Maybe I'll have to write something on it in the future?

Pearl is already on the beach when the rest of her family (minus Steven and Connie) make their way down to join her. She’s set up the barbecue and lit it, ready for lunch. She gazes at it, wishing Greg hadn’t forbade her from making any more changes to it. She’d enjoyed building it so much. It’s funny, she thinks – all the options in the world, the ability to make anything she wants, and she starts with a barbecue. A barbecue for the birthday of the man she used to call an enemy, no less.

Still, this one is far more efficient than the ancient model Greg used to use. She can’t help but feel a swell of pride at her design. The old one had been tiny, barely enough space for Greg and Steven’s dinners. Her new design could feed ten times that number of people. Or a single Amethyst, she thinks. Pearl’s particularly fond of the self-driving aspect, removing the need for Greg to transport an unwieldy hunk of metal with his fairly pitiful human musculature. Greg could even sit on top and let the barbecue transport him, she thinks, giggling a little at the image. 

She inspects the barbecue with a piercing look, wondering if she can sneak any more adaptations in without him noticing. When she gave it to him he’d declared it perfect and forbade any more tinkering. But wouldn’t an attached waffle maker be fun? Pearl looks a little closer at the gas pipes, thinking.

Something slaps her back.

“Ow!”

“Sorry. It’s just me, your um Greg Universe.” He’s put a hand on her shoulder.

She punches him playfully. Their relationship has been much closer since she was rejuvenated. Gratitude swell in her as Pearl thinks about how carefully he’d treated her. She’d been so embarrassed afterwards, knowing her family had seen her in a way she’d never wanted them to. But Greg had seemed so relieved to have her back to normal. He’d even taken delight in the first time she snapped at him again, although he would have had every right to be offended – she’d blamed a burst tyre on his ‘careless driving’, which had eventually turned out to be the fault of a curious Peridot experimenting with the strength of the material. 

Greg flinches from the playful punch and Pearl is pulled from her thoughts, realising it must have been much harder than she’d intended. 

“Was the ‘um Greg Universe’ joke too far? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean –”

“No! No.” Pearl laughs. “I’m sorry, I forget sometimes how soft humans are! Steven’s a little less sensitive. Physically.” Pearl cringes. She’s phrased that completely wrong. “I mean –”

Greg smiles. “I get it.” He grabs a handful of belly and jiggles it around a little. “I’m super soft! I’m like the Michelin Man!” Pearl’s not sure what this man is, but she can tell Greg is proud of his joke, so she laughs anyway. 

“Care to take over this barbecue?” She asks. “You know what a perfectionist I am. If I look at it any longer I might do something drastic.”

“No! Don’t hurt my baby!” Greg cries, grabbing the tongs and pouring a bag of sausages onto the grill. “I’ll take it from here. Barbecue Dad to the rescue. Go and… I don’t know, hit Amethyst into the air or something.” 

Pearl salutes and looks around for something else that needs her attention. Before she can leave Greg calls her back.

“Pearl? Do. Not. Let. Amethyst. Anywhere near. My barbecue. HEY!” Greg waves his tongs in the air as a purple seagull swoops in to steal a sausage. It hovers directly above his head and cackles in a way entirely unnatural for most seagulls.

“Amethyst!” Pearl screeches, leaping up to grab the bird and ending up with a handful of air. “Ugh. Sorry, Greg.”

“Ah, it’s okay. It’s why I bought extra.” Greg ruffles around behind him in one of Steven’s old Wacky Sacks. He triumphantly holds up two more bags of sausages with a huge grin and then promptly hides them both again, flicking a surreptitious gaze at Amethyst who is currently dive-bombing anyone who looks busy. 

“Make sure she doesn’t find out about the extra food,” he whispers.

“WHAT EXTRA FOOD?” Amethyst booms from across the beach. She’s turned her mouth into a megaphone. “ARE YOU HIDING FOOD FROM ME, MUSIC MAN?”

Pearl sighs. “I’ll deal with her.” Then she feels a grin spread across her face. “I have a plan, actually.”

Pearl places one quick call to Steven, just to check it’s okay. She makes a quick trip back to the house for supplies. And then she strikes. 

Amethyst is her first target. She’ll chase for far longer than she’ll run, Pearl knows, and after all, the aim is to keep her away from Greg’s sausages. 

Pearl waits until Amethyst isn’t looking. Garnet has a shit-eating grin on her face and Pearl knows she’s already seen Pearl’s intentions. Leaping into the air behind the still-flapping Amethyst, Pearl winks at Garnet, shapeshifts, and smashes a hand down on Amethyst’s back. Amethyst slams into the sand, shocked, and then cackles when she sees Pearl standing over her.

“STEVEN TAG! Alright, P!” Amethyst high-fives Pearl, and they both turn their attention to the remaining gems. Garnet’s standing at the far end of the beach, looking unperturbed. Lapis, Bismuth, and Peridot look confused for a second, before remembering the game Steven had taught them a few weeks prior to leaving. Bismuth cheers, scooping up Lapis and Peridot and tossing them towards Pearl and Amethyst before running in the opposite direction. Lapis shoots wings out of her shoulders and catches herself mid-air, grabbing Peridot under the arms before she can complete her trajectory.

“Hey! That’s cheating!” She scowls at Bismuth but there’s laughter in her voice. 

Pearl and Amethyst share a look, silently communicating their intentions. Pearl throws Amethyst into the air and uses a strike to shoot her towards Peridot, reminiscent of the time they fought the corrupted Watermelon Tourmaline pufferfish. Amethyst barrels towards her at top speed, reaching out to grab the green gem’s legs.

“Sorry Peri!” Lapis drops her, shooting off into the air. “Gotta protect myself first!”

Amethyst grabs a screaming Peridot from the air and sets her gently on the ground. Peridot sends her a desperate look. But Pearl is prepared for this. She stuffs Peridot into one of Steven’s t-shirts, throws a jacket round her shoulders, and shoves a curly black wig onto her head (bought specifically for this purpose after Peridot’s first game of Steven Tag). It doesn’t fit very well over Peridot’s hair, but it’ll do, Pearl thinks. 

Peridot grins. “Perfect.” Then her face grows determined. “LAZULI!” 

The barbecue starts to shake. “Hey, hey, no, not my barbecue! Pearl! Help!” Greg starts to panic. Pearl envisions sausages flying across the sand, Greg with his head in his hands, the barbecue destroyed. She leaps in. 

“Peridot, no! The chair!” The lifeguard chair is far more disposable. Pearl almost sinks to the ground in relief when Peridot’s attention shifts from the barbecue.

“Right,” she says to Amethyst. But Amethyst is already gone, chasing down Garnet in a classic display of ridiculous strength from both of them. That leaves her Bismuth, she supposes.

And there she is, rainbow hair reflecting on the ocean. She’s busy laughing at the sight of Peridot throwing soft drink can after soft drink can at Lapis, who dodges them easily, egging Peridot on. Pearl grins. She’s distracted. 

She sprints towards Bismuth, relishing the look of surprise on the bigger gem’s face. Bismuth doesn’t tend to move as quickly as Pearl, relying more on strength than agility. So Pearl is stunned when Bismuth leaps sideways, avoiding Pearl’s attack adeptly if a little clumsily. This might be harder than she’d thought. Pearl concentrates, as hard as she can, and feeling the connected grains of sand around her. She pulls, the sand under Bismuth’s feet slowly sliding away.

And then her focus is completely destroyed by Amethyst hurtling down towards them in a spin-dash. She misses Bismuth, smashing into the ocean and covering them all in water. Pearl seizes the distraction, leaping onto the bigger gems back. Bismuth pulls Pearl off, laughing. 

“I guess I have to turn into Steven now, huh?”

“I guess you do,” Pearl says, a little smugly. Bismuth focuses, and then shrinks to a fraction of her normal size, rainbow hair curling around her face.

“How do I look?”

Pearl appraises her with a raised eyebrow. “Very Steven!”

Bismuth grins, grabbing Pearl again and reaching out for Amethyst with her other hand. Spinning them both like she’s winding up for a shot, Bismuth lets them go just as they reach the top of their trajectory. Pearl sees Lapis ahead, realising Bismuth’s plan. She reaches out to Amethyst. Amethyst does the same. Their joined hands hit Lapis right in her stomach and they grab her with their spare hands, steadying her from the shock. Lapis wastes no time in shifting, dropping the wings. They tumble into the ocean. Pearl won’t admit it aloud, but she loves the wild and uncontrolled nature of Steven Tag, never knowing if she’ll be flying or falling next. 

“Let’s get her!” Lapis points to Garnet, the only gem still in her own form. The others let out war-cries, Pearl allowing herself to whoop as loud as she wants, eyes set on Garnet.

“Uh-oh.” Garnet runs down the beach, pursued by five delighted Stevens. As they reach her she stops suddenly, leaping into the air as the Stevens keep running. They skid to a halt, turning around. Amethyst pulls out her whip and Pearl her spear but before they can do anything, a water tripwire appears in front of Garnet, sending her sprawling.

“I forgot about Lapis,” she groans as the five Stevens hit her full force, pointing and laughing until she concedes defeat and shifts into Steven too. Pearl and the other losing Stevens lift Garnet in the air, tossing her above their shoulders.

“Steven! Steven! Steven!” They chant in unison. Pearl hears a chuckle behind them. She turns to see Greg holding a massive plate of sausages. He’s somehow managed to spread out a picnic blanket in the chaos. The salads they prepared earlier are now sitting among plates of bread, desserts, and most of the cans of soft drink.

“I couldn’t find them all,” he says by way of explanation. “I think some went in the ocean.”

“Sorry,” says Peridot, not sounding it.

Amethyst picks one up, points it towards Pearl, and opens it. She flinches, expecting to be drenched in sticky foam, but nothing happens. Amethyst looks disappointed. And then a rush of foam comes spurting out from somewhere behind her, hitting her solidly in the back. Amethyst whirls to reveal Peridot standing behind her, holding her stomach and laughing uncontrollably. Amethyst leaps on her, rubbing herself on Peridot until they’re both sticky and covered in sand. 

Pearl should be horrified, but she just settles herself down on the mat beside Bismuth, reclaiming her own form. She smiles fondly at the chaos, relishing it for once. Things are never steady around Beach City. Why force it?

After Lapis has helpfully dowsed both Amethyst and Peridot in seawater, cleaning off the worst of the mess, Pearl proposes a toast.

“To our family,” she says. “I know it’s not what any of us expected. And it’s taken some of us a while to get here.” She smiles at each of the gems and Greg. “But that’s what we are now. Whether Steven’s here or not. We’re a family.” She leans into Bismuth’s side, who wraps a warm and gentle arm around Pearl’s back.

“I love you guys,” says Amethyst in a rare display of affection, before swallowing a whole bowl of salad in one fluid movement. 

As chaos starts to explode around her again, Pearl takes a moment to enjoy the feeling of sun on her skin and Bismuth’s body next to hers, the gentle whoosh of the waves and cawing of the seagulls, the conversation and laughter of her chosen family around her. And she takes a moment to just be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I wanted out of SU Future was fluff and family dynamics but because good TV actually needs a plot I didn't really get what I wanted. So I've created the 'happily ever after' that my bbs deserve. This is pure wish fulfilment.


End file.
